Looking back before looking forward

Wow… I know I should be excited.  I suppose I am.  I am also terrified!  Not so much because of the course, although I would be a fool to say that the idea of course work, and deadlines isn’t a daunting one.  It’s strange for me to think that this time last year I was in 2 minds about whether to enroll at college.  “Why photography?” I was asked.  ALOT.  Why not do something that gives you good job prospects etc etc etc.  The same things I was told when leaving school way back in 1998. The same reason I studied (and failed) psychology and communication studies.  
Back then I was more interested in working, and making ‘easy money’.  It was all about the NOW, back then. I suppose that could explain why I found myself pregnant at 18.  Even that didn’t make me think about my future.  It just sort of made it’s own mind up.  I was a mummy. That’s all I would ever be. So I had another child at 21, and married the love of my life.  It was all as it should be.  Don’t get me wrong I love my family to bits, but as my children have grown, I see more of the life I threw away.  Would I change the way my life turned out? No… Do I regret having children so young? Sometimes. I just wish I had had the insight at 18 to sit myself down and REALLY ask myself what I wanted to do with my life. Better late than never though. At the age of 28 I enrolled on an Access to Higher Education course in Photography.  
Week 1, Elena (My very lively Spanish tutor) asked who in the class would be interested in university.  There was NO WAY I was going to uni.  NO WAY, NOT Me.  Yet here I am.  Enrolled at the University of East London.  Starting Freshers week in 14 Days.  What happened between then and now?  I really couldn’t say.  I think it may have something to do with meeting people with the same passion for a subject I have almost secretly been interested in for years.  To be told that people actually do enjoy looking at my photos.  To have people come out of the woodwork and show support.  It’s such an uplifting feeling.  One I am not used to really.   It is one I really don’t want to waste though.  I know I am scared of being the eldest in my new class.  Of not being as good as them.  What I do know though, is I have waited too long to let this opportunity pass me by.

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