Future Fear

It’s been a while since I last posted. I was at the start if semester A of my final year at Uni and things looked bright. Now as I sit here after handing in my work from that semester, I sit terrified of what’s to come. I don’t have dreams of becoming a famous photographer. So why choose photography?

I love photographing babies and families. It’s the reason I chose photography because it has always been a love of mine and to be honest I was sick of paying people to take photographs of my children. So why am I terrified? I accomplished what I set out to do. One more semester and I’ll be done. No more studying or deadlines and I’ll finally have the time to take photos and work on my business. Yet going to Uni makes me far happier than any job I have ever done. I know what the big wide world looks like and I never want to go back. That’s what I’m scared of.
Working as a student ambassador has helped me gain skills I can use after Uni as well as open up opportunities I never dreamt possible. Working with children in a way that inspires and encourages them to really think about their future has been so rewarding and has made me really think about my own future. Sat here in the Mile End hospital is making me think about my past. Working here. The people I used to know and the things I went through whilst working here. It feels like it wasn’t me. I’m so far away from that 20 year old who was eager to please and so happy to be given a chance only to discover that security doesn’t make you happy on its own.
Hoping to get a job doing what I have been doing this past year, working with children within schools and within the Uni.  I need to focus my mind on that now. It’s just really scary.

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