How I thought I would Parent vs how I actually parent. #12Daysofparenting #Day10

Thanks for hopping over from HAVING A BABY AND LIVING AT HOME and welcome to my post for the 10th Day of #12daysofparenting.
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While Advent is a time of preparation for the big event on the 25th December, for Christians it is more than waiting to celebrate the birth of Jesus.  It’s a time of reflection and a time to prepare our hearts for the peace of Christ to enter us.  While it is easy to get wrapped up in.. well wrapping up and present buying and food shopping, it is a time to focus.  Focus on what is important to us. For me there is nothing more important to me than my family.  My children, husband, parents, siblings, grandparents, nieces and nephews and extended family, with a huge focus on my household. Sometimes it’s easy to lose sight of your priorities especially at such a busy time, but that’s exactly when you SHOULD be looking at them. This leads me onto the topic of this post.

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How I thought I would parent, and to be honest at the age of 18 when I found out I was expecting my eldest I hadn’t given it very much thought.  My experience of babies was my mum having my baby brother when I was almost 12, so once I got the positive pregnancy test I just assumed I would do things in a similar way to my parents.  The more I thought about it, and the more I got to know Jonathan I realised that we wanted to try and be the best parents we could possibly be. We were young, but Jonathan worked hard and I got a Job when Ellie was 10 months old.

My mum was a working mum and I remember the childcare and chores being shared between her and my dad who also worked.  This seemed the thing to do, however after many health scares, and a battle with Cancer, I realised that by working I was missing out on loads.  Coming home tired and battling depression took it’s toll on my family.  My children needed their mummy to be well and present for them to heal from my illness too.  I decided that being a stay at home, hands on mummy was best and I tried, but found it quite hard to cope with the feeling that I was doing things wrong.  I felt guilty for not working, especially with them both in full time school.  I started a college course and ended up in University to study Photography. I was then a full time student and a mum.  It was a challenge and I do still feel guilty for spending so much time away from the home, but I felt it was a good example to set my children.  It was something I had not really thought a possibility when I was in college at 16, and thought that when I fell pregnant that it was out of the question.  I knew that I wanted my children to believe that ANYTHING was possible with hard work.

Towards the end of my degree I found out I was expecting Penny.  I was now 32 and had to make a choice.  Did I start looking for a job straight after uni, or give being a stay at home mum a fair chance again.  I thought a lot about the things I thought I had done wrong with my older two (I won’t go into it all here as some of it I am really not proud of, but I learnt from my mistakes).  It took a lot to admit to myself that while I wasn’t the ‘worst’ mum in the world, I had loads of improvement room, but once I did finally admit it, I soon realised that there was lots I could do and by doing that, I found my WANT to do better came flooding back.  Somewhere along the way I simply lost focus on what is important to me.

So, did I become a carbon copy of my own mum? Not at all.  And that’s ok too.  My mum tried her best, as most mums do.  I won’t list anything she did/didn’t do, because I love her and we have a good relationship these days.  Is it perfect? is any relationship really perfect all of the time?  I guess I’ve gone on a bit of a tangent, but sometimes my heads a little messy these days.  Sleep deprivation and Christmas preparations will do that to you. :p While I’m pretty new to accepting religion into my life, I do find a great comfort in it. Whether you are religious or not however, I believe that focusing on what’s important to you at this time of year is a good way to find peace for yourself.

Today’s code word is: Magic

For more from our 10th day topic please hop on over to Adventures of Novice Mum where you can gain further entries into the grand prize draw and of course read Mo’s lovely post. Full terms and conditions can be found here. UK residents only.

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12 thoughts on “How I thought I would Parent vs how I actually parent. #12Daysofparenting #Day10

  1. JessicaLouise (@JessycaLouise) says:

    This is a really interesting post. I always say ‘i’m going to do this and i’m going to do that’ when I have kids, but I suppose until you’re in the situation where you have kids, it’s hard to predict. I’m sorry to hear about the tough times you have had, but it sounds like you’re a great mum 🙂

    Like

  2. Adventures of a Novice Mum says:

    You’ve done so well, and my, the biggest room in the world FOR ALL OF US is the room for improvement. What challenges you’ve overcome as you walk the path of doing your best for your children and family. Our first inclination is enagement with the example we have, but as we grow in our experience of the world, we’re bound to change and shape differently as it works for us. Good job that you’ve been flexible enough to change as needed for you and your family. Hoping there are no more health scares and all the best as you discover what your new path has to offer you … so much exciting things ahead. #12daysofparenting

    Like

  3. Rachel says:

    I think you can only do the very best you can, some people might think their way is better and that is fine, but we are all individuals and we all do things differently, no one more right than another and just look at how fine a job you are doing x

    Liked by 1 person

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